I chanced upon an Avril Lavigne’s video and lyrics of “Why?” and I can’t help but strongly feel the message of the song. It’s not difficult to relate with its lyrics because that’s what I often ask myself when I think about my current relationship…
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m on a dead end. I wish there’s a quickest way out of it without causing so much pain to both of us. As much as I would like to ask him where in the hell am I in his life, the words can’t seem to slip out of my mouth. I can’t even get myself to just send him a message via SMS and ask about it. Something is holding me back and I really wish there’s enough courage for me to just do it. He’s also making it difficult for me to ask him for my complete freedom because whenever I try to tell him that I will find my happiness elsewhere, he’ll change the topic or make promises he can’t keep.
Perhaps, once I gain my complete freedom from him, what I would do is to 1) cry until there’s no more tears left in me; 2) travel to places where I can reflect; 3) write until I run out of words to spill; and 4) find my true happiness.
I am preventing myself from crying… I feel so down. I feel so confused. I want to know, why am I a jinx in the love department? Who cursed me to loneliness? It was just so unfortunate that I’m a victim of love.
Who can help me? My happiness, where can I find you? Are you even out there? Please save me… I really need help… 😥